Palladium Books^® Weekly Update – September 24, 2010

By Kevin Siembieda

My dear friends. I want to thank all of you who said (often insisted) that I keep you apprised of my father’s struggle in these Weekly Updates. It means a lot to me that so many people care so much. I wish I had better news.

UPDATE: Henry Siembieda. My 79 year old father, Henry, has been fighting bladder cancer for a couple of years now. My Dad and his friend Arlene are private people, and while my Dad was well, he asked me not to go into a lot of detail about his condition or his ongoing struggle. As a result, I’ll paint this in broad strokes. The surgery to remove his bladder and prostate went as well as one could possibly hope for. He has healed nicely and is no longer in pain. However, post op complications have been a problem. Just yesterday, Thursday, September 14, we got him into a rehab facility. We have high hopes, but while my father’s body is strong, it appears his mind and fighting spirit may be more fragile. He has lost a considerable amount of weight and is so weak he cannot sit up in bed or stand. When he’s not sleeping he seems dazed and confused. For the last several days he has been refusing to eat. We fear he has given up. There has been talk about putting a feeding tube in his stomach, something I’d rather not see happen. We had considerable success getting Dad to eat yesterday and this afternoon (he refused breakfast, but family has gotten him to eat lunch and dinner both days). Still, he is so weak, disoriented and often despondent. His new caretakers are concerned, as are we. I spent the entire day with him yesterday, and much of this past week, but I can’t be there all the time, which makes me feel angry and frustrated some days or lost and helpless other times. I’ve spent most of the last week at the hospital with my father or looking at nursing homes and rehab facilities. We thought getting him out of the hospital and into rehab would help him turn the corner, but I don’t know what comes next. He seemed worse today. I will certainly keep you posted.

Thank you for caring. I’m sorry I don’t have better news on this front. On a personal level, I try to be positive and hopeful, especially in front of my father and his friend Arlene. I try to remain focused on business and getting new product released, but deadlines are slipping a bit and there are days when I feel overwhelmed or wiped out. When I can find the time to write (which has been very little this past week or so), I can usually lose myself in the ideas and joy of writing. I love writing, but it’s been difficult this week. It’s hard to focus and think clearly when you are worried and juggling so many details. It’s difficult not to be sad or angry, or both. It’s difficult to be positive about Dad and other fronts when everything seems so uncertain. But I try. We all try. I hope you try too. Not just about the situation with my father and your concern for him, me and Palladium Books, but about your own struggles and strife. Life is hard. Sometimes life just plain stinks. It hurts, and it stinks, and there is nothing you can do to change it. Sometimes things are just out of your hands. But please don’t give in to despair, and you can’t let the one or two or even ten things that may be weighing you down and crushing your spirit, cripple or destroy you. Don’t let the hardship, sorrow or pain make you lose sight of the good or the beauty around you. Yeah, it’s hard not to. Believe me I know. It’s okay to lose yourself to grief and pain and even self-pity for an hour or a day, but you need to shake it off. You need to find strength and joy in the love and beauty all around you. It’s there. Really. You just have to look around you. Take me for example.

I’m lucky. Yep, you heard right. I’m lucky. Whether my beautiful father lives or dies, or becomes permanently lost to dementia, he was there for me to love and enjoy for a long, long time. And we have loved each other and enjoyed each other, and we both know it. I can’t even begin to imagine everything my father is going through or how he must feel. It’s been unreal. Yet, just today, amidst it all, my Dad took my hand, raised it up to his lips, kissed it and said, “I love you, Kevin.” He’s the greatest.

I’m lucky in other ways too. I’m lucky because I have the greatest friends a man could ever want. They’re wacky and kooky, but they’re mine and I love them and they love me. They are there for me as best they can and I appreciate every last one of them.

I’m lucky because I have all of you. The greatest fans on Earth. I’ve never met most of you, and yet you care. Not only that, you call the office, email or PM me, post online, send letters, tell me you’re praying for me and my Dad, and let me know you care in so many ways. Lucky? Heck, I’m blessed. I still hurt. I’m still sad and frustrated about my Dad, but knowing you care makes it all more bearable.

I’m lucky, because I am living my dream. I created Palladium Books. I’ve written my heart out, explored (and continue to explore) a Megaverse of endless worlds and adventure, and I have loved almost every single second of it.

I’m lucky, because even when I feel emotionally and physically drained I can look up at the sky and marvel about how that very bright star near the moon this past week is Mars and Jupiter in planetary alignment. An occurrence that doesn’t happen often and there I am gazing at it. And as I stand there in the cool night sky, my mind starts drift off about how cool it is that I get to see it, and then about how the alignment would affect ley lines and the flow of magic – yes, I know none of that’s real, but my mind wanders – and story fragments start to pop into my head. See, I told you I suffer from an overactive imagination. It makes me smile. I shake it off and go inside my apartment where I collapse in bed or fall asleep trying to watch a TV show I’ve DVRed the night or week before.

I hope I’m not rambling. I hope I’ve not offended anyone with this long personal rant. I’ve included it because I know I’m not the only one facing hardship. I know some of you have dealt with the same problems. Some of you have faced much worse. Some of you may be dealing with your own world crushing problems right now. I want you to know that just as you and my wonderful friends are there for me, I want you to know I’m there for you. I want to remind you that life is good and worth living. That you are probably richer and luckier than you might feel right now when things are bad.

Don’t give up.

Don’t lose yourself to despair. You might lose one battle or one loved one, and you might hurt so bad you don’t think you can stand it. But you aren’t alone, and things will get better. They may not turn out the way we want, but we’ll survive one way or another, and we’ll be happy again.

I also want you to know that your caring helps me. It make it so I don’t have to bear my burdens and fears alone. Your kindness and caring allows me to write deep, personal things like this. For most “companies,” something like this would be unheard of. Yet, I feel I can share my thoughts and bare my soul to you without fear of rejection or condemnation. It allows me to bear all of this and helps me keep going. So thank you for demanding that I keep you in the loop about my father. Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for helping me get through this. Thank you for giving me one more thing to be grateful for.

Besides, we don’t know what the future holds. We are the masters of our fates only to a point.

In other news

I’m afraid I can’t quite be my usual spirited self, but positive things are going on at Palladium.

UPDATE: Heroes of the Megaverse® is another success. Feedback on the book is overwhelmingly positive. Folks are loving it. Some plan to use it in Phase World®/Three Galaxies™ campaigns, others in Heroes Unlimited™, others in Rifts® and some in all of the above. Orders are strong. Have you gotten your copy?

UPDATE: The Rifter® #52. The situation with my father has kept me out of the office most of this week, but Wayne and Alex have been working away. Car trouble stole some of Wayne’s time, so did the demands of Palladium’s ongoing Rifts trademark lawsuit, but the book is almost finished and Wayne is working on layout even as I write this. We’ll all work through the weekend and get the issue to the printer on Monday.

UPDATE: Armageddon Unlimited™ (for Heroes Unlimited™ and the Minion War™). I think I edited two whole pages this week. The artwork is done and looks fantastic. I’m just waiting on the cover being finished. I hope to work on the book over the next week. It’s epic.

UPDATE: Rifts® Thundercloud Galaxy™. John Zeleznik sent in the finished cover and it rocks. We may not post it in this Update just to keep you in suspense. End of October or November release.

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